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13 March 2009 @ 10:58 pm
[JE] Self-preservation or the forgetting of Kamenashi Kazuya's survival skills  
Title: Self-preservation or the forgetting of Kamenashi Kazuya's survival skills
Fandom: JE fandom [Arashi/KAT-TUN]
Pairing: Matsumoto Jun/Kamenashi Kazuya, ie., Matsukame
Summary: In which a date goes wrong, Kame whines, Matsujun overreacts,  Nino is slightly creepy, Sakurai Sho is straight, Aiba screams and Ohno doesn't really know what's going on.

‘Maybe I want to tie you up and have my way with you.'’

‘Please…’

‘Or maybe I want to invite the whole of Arashi.’

He could actually see that one.

Genre: Humour, romance, Nino being a bastard
Word count: 3016

Damn, Matsumoto was late. Late, not standing him up, damn it. And if Matsumoto dared to stand him up, he’d never hear the end of it. What’d the rest say? He’d be mocked mercilessly forever and ever (or until KAT-TUN stopped selling and was therefore disbanded).

He lowered his cap even more. He wanted to disappear and, of course, he didn’t want anybody to notice him.

He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder.

‘Sorry.’
He was really relieved, but he couldn’t actually show it so he put on his best bitchy tone and answered.

’35 minutes late.’

‘I’ll make it up to you.’

‘You wasted my precious time. What were you doing? Combing your hair?’

‘Actually, we were filming and then we went out drinking with the guys.’

He checked his watch and couldn’t actually believe it.

‘It’s 3 in the afternoon.’

‘So?’

Matsumoto didn’t seem concerned at all.

‘So you’re going to die of cirrhosis before turning thirty.’

‘I’ll worry when I kiss a crossdresser.’

Ouch.

‘So funny.’

‘It is, actually. Who knew you were so kinky?’

‘I’m not. Tabloids just… make up stuff.’

He could feel his cheeks going bright red.

‘Oh, really? Like what? You and me on a date?’

‘Shut up.’

‘Wait. Do I have to dress up if I want you to kiss me? Because I don’t like skirts.’

‘Well, I think you’d make a great sexy nurse.’

He couldn’t control his smiles around Matsumoto.

Damn it.

‘Kinky.’

Did he have to use that kind of voice? Really?

‘I am not.’ He hurriedly denied.

‘But I am.’

‘What?!’

Now he was scared.

‘You should have seen your face. So I take it you’ve never heard of my nickname?’

‘Don’t tell me it’s true.’

‘Maybe.’

‘You’re just messing with me.’

‘Who knows?’

‘Stop it.’

‘Maybe I want to tie you up and have my way with you.’

‘Please…’

‘Or maybe I want to invite the whole of Arashi.’

He could actually see that one.

‘Sure. Aiba-senpai is very attractive.’

‘You don’t want to know the things Ninomiya does sometimes. It’s quite scary.’

Kame rolled his eyes.

‘You really do know how to flatter your date.’

‘What? Is that jealousy? Because I know how to cure jealousy: voyeurism. Maybe I should invite the whole of Arashi and then leave you out.’

Arashi and their way of always including the others. It was getting more and more annoying.

‘I think I’ll go now.’

‘Or maybe I want to cover you in chocolate!’

He couldn’t help laughing at Matsumoto’s ridiculous suggestion.

‘Now I know you’re joking.’

‘Why?’

‘You’re not fooling me.’

‘I totally was. The chocolate was a blunder, apparently.’

‘See? I can tell when you’re lying.’

‘Yeah, I mean. Chocolate. You’re slimy and sweet enough already. Besides, cleaning it off the sheets is so annoying.’

Maybe the date hadn’t been such a good idea.




He was nervous, too nervous. Ninomiya had already told him the news and now he was fidgeting in a bar, surrounded by his drunken bandmates.

‘Nino, are you sure it was safe?’

‘Kame has no criminal record, don’t worry. I checked.’

‘You did, didn’t you?’

‘Hey, mom, don’t worry! Jun is a big boy now, he will be fine.’

‘Did you check his breath? He may be drunk and if he’s drunk…’

‘Sho, dear, he’s alright. He’s prepared for this. It’s just a date, OK?’

‘But it’s a serious date!’

There was an unintended hint of panic in his voice.

‘Serious? Matsujun doesn’t do serious.’

He was looking guilty, wasn’t he?

‘What did he tell you, Sakurai?’

‘Just… stuff.’

He turned his eyes to the wall and away from the scary midget.

‘About Kamenashi?’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘Was it schoolgirl-like stuff?’

‘Maybe.’

‘Was it love-love stuff?’

Leave making ‘rabu-rabu’ nasty to Ninomiya. He should do more yakuza movies.

‘I don’t know… He mostly talked about all the outfits he had prepared.’

‘That’s normal then.’

Sho sighed.

‘Don’t look at me like that, Nino, it’s not funny.’

‘There’s something else.’

Nino came closer.

‘No, there’s not.’

‘I’ll create a corner about you taking care of children. Again.’

Now he was inches away from his face.

‘That doesn’t scare me. I got a 94 on my test.’

‘Tell me! I need to know.’

‘No, you don’t.’

‘Come on, Sakurai! Do it or… or I’ll take Ohno and Aiba for a nice afternoon stalking.’

‘You wouldn’t dare.’

‘It’s our precious child in danger.’

‘Ohno is the dad here, not you. You’re the middle kid who resents the youngest one and does mischief to demand attention.’

‘Maybe, but I also care about the Princess.’

‘You just want to annoy him, I know you.’

‘I resent your lack of trust.’

‘Ninomiya, please, don’t do this to me.’

‘Which revenge do you think is going to be worse?’

‘Both of you are going to get revenge anyways.’

‘Meanie.’

‘I just have survival instincts, Ninomiya.’

‘Oh, come on. I know you’re worried.’

Aiba and Ohno were, by that time, dancing on the table. Maybe imitating John Travolta.

Sadly, he didn’t even care anymore.

‘I am but that’s just because I’m overreacting.’

‘No, it is not overreacting. If this is serious and he’s getting his hopes up, we need to intervene.’

‘Nino…’

‘What if he Kamenashi leaves him? Or if he’s just using him?’

‘Jun is not that stupid.’

‘Everybody is a little stupid when they’re in love, especially if they’re not that bright to begin with.’

‘Ninomiya, I’m not telling.’

‘You know very well how the whole Akanishi mess ended up. Are you willing to let Matsumoto go to America for six months? Alone? And with his English?’

‘We let you and your English is quite bad.’

‘Look, I’m just saying Kamenashi is dangerous.’

‘But… Nino, Jun is not a girl.’

‘We know him. We know how hard he takes things.’

‘Ok, OK, but he’s going to kill me. He… said some weird things. Like how cute Kame was and that he had seen this beautiful ring that would fit him perfectly. And he was already planning their one year anniversary
dinner. That was suspicious.’

‘Sakurai Sho, I will kill you first. Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘It was between the two of us.’

‘You know perfectly well there’s no ‘two of us’ in Arashi.’

That was true but why was he always the one caught in the middle?

‘So what are you going to do?’




 ‘So what do you want to do?’

Matsumoto sounded cheerful and happy.

‘Right now? Die.’

They had been walking for some time and he was worried. Someone might have seen them and he really didn’t want… it to be common knowledge.

‘Karaoke it is, then.’

Did Matsumoto always choose for the rest of the Universe? Megalomaniac bastard.

‘You don’t sing that badly.’

‘That hurts.’

‘It’s just the truth. Have you ever heard yourself?’

‘I… I’m seeing a singing coach.’

Jun had no right to sound so awfully… adorable.

He almost felt sorry.

‘Finally.’

But he wasn’t going to show it.

‘Shut up.’

‘Oh, come on, you just threatened me with an Arashi orgy, don’t act so innocent.’

‘But an Arashi orgy is something nice!’

‘Not for me. Besides, everybody knows Sakurai-senpai is straight.’

‘Yeah, it’s a pity.’

‘Damn you, Matsumoto! Don’t you have any manners?’

‘You know, if you insist on being so jealous, I will ruin both our careers by kissing you right in the middle of the street.’

‘I’m not jealous.’

‘You look cute.’

‘I don’t.’

‘You do.’

He tried hard not to, but he ended up smiling.




 ‘Damn, we lost them again.’

.Nino punched the wall.

They were all trying to fit in, go unnoticed and be able to follow Matsujun. With half of them completely inebriated, it was proving to be a somewhat difficult mission.

‘They walk too fast, Kazu.’

‘That’s because you’re drunk, Satoshi-kun.’

He had had to point that out. Really.

Oh, damn it. Why the kicked puppy face?

‘Sho-kun, don’t be so mean!’

‘He’s not being mean, Aiba-chan, it’s the truth! You’re both slowing us down! At this rate, Matsujun’s heart will be broken!’

Sho just rolled his eyes.




‘So here we are.’

Did Kame have to sound so bored?

It was a date. Dates imply happiness and enjoyment.

‘Here we are.’

‘Karaoke.’

He closed the door and saw Kame already sitting down.

‘Do you want something to eat?’

‘No.’

He guessed that was always his answer.

‘Something to drink?’

‘No.’

Well, at least that meant that there’d be no kissing crossdressers shenanigans.

‘Sing?’

‘No.’

‘Dance?’

‘Amazing sex?’

‘Nah.’

That one had hurt. He sat besides Kame.

‘Cuddling?’

‘I don’t cuddle.’

He let his arm fall down, quite disappointed.

‘Yeah, right. I’m bored now.’

He looked around, trying to find something interesting. Other than Kame, that is.

‘Then do something.’

You are boring.’

‘Then go away.’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘I want to be with you. I wouldn’t have come otherwise, don’t you think? I’d have stayed with the guys.’

‘Then go with your precious guys.’

 ‘Look, Kame, I like fighting and bitching as much as you do but, please, can you enjoy this? A little bit?’

‘I would, if you weren’t so keen on getting me all riled up. Let me remind you that you invited me. You should treat me better, you asshole.’

‘That was uncalled for.’

‘Go to Hell.’

‘Come on, Kame…’

‘Ok, I’ll leave then.’

Kame stood up and went towards the door.

‘Kame, I’m sorry, OK? I thought you were enjoying yourself.’

He stood up too and grabbed Kame by the wrist.

Wow, was it tiny.

Kame turned around and faced him.

‘I was!’

‘So why are you acting like this?!’

He let Kame’s wrist go.

‘I… I don’t know.’

Couldn’t Kame at least look at him in the eye?

‘At least stay.’

‘No, I don’t want to. I shouldn’t have come. This is a bad idea.’

‘Kame, you were the one who came to my apartment in the middle of the night!’

‘So what? I was drunk.’

‘Oh, don’t lie to me.’

‘I’m not lying! It was a mistake. Everything.’

‘Now I get why Akanishi ran away.’

Had he just said that aloud?




Kame walked past them without even noticing. He was fuming and in dire danger of killing someone. That could be bad for the company.

One door was open and Sakurai was already in there, obviously comforting Matsujun.

He had two choices. He could enter the room and soothe Matsujun’s pain with some bitchiness or he could follow Kame and kill him. Well, it wasn’t like he didn’t know where the bastard lived so he could leave that for
later.
He stepped into the room and saw an obviously upset Jun looking at his shoes and hurriedly explaining the situation.

‘I just. I just wanted him to enjoy it! He was looking so bored and antsy and… we got into a fight.’

And Jun actually sounded surprised about it.

‘Why did he leave?’

‘I may have said something about Akanishi.’

‘You may? Ok, Jun, you were an idiot and an asshole.’

Sakurai Sho had spoken and thus spoke the rest of Arashi.

‘Brilliant, talking about his ex on your first date! Master of Romance!’

Bitchiness always worked. It was the key to his sometimes muddled relationship with Jun.

‘Well, maybe Kamenashi-kun will understand if you… no, I’m sure that if you apologize…’

Aiba, always so optimistic.

‘Yes, yes, apologize! But wait, why should he…? Oh.’

For a second, he had actually believed that Ohno knew what they were talking about.

‘I can’t! He hates me now.’

Jun was now hiding in Sho’s arms. He was such a kid.

‘Matsujun, be a man and apologize before it’s late.’

Oh, Sho, such an outstanding member of civilized society.

‘But he hates me! I saw it in his eyes.’

Could he be more of a drama queen? At least this time he cared.

Wait. Jun cared? When had that happened? Fuck.

He stood up.

‘I’ll talk to him.’

‘But Nino… you’re…’

‘Brilliant, so shut up and listen. I’m going to help you now but you must promise me you won’t fuck this up. Again.’

‘It’s a promise.’

He hated having to admit it but he did melt a little when he saw the pure, undiluted trust in Jun’s eyes.

That was what Arashi was all about: trust.

Well, it was also about silly experiments. And booze.

But mostly trust.



Kame felt a hand in his shoulder and he actually gasped when he saw Ninomiya.

For a second, he had thought…

‘Go back.’

So Ninomiya believed he could order him around like he did with… everyone else, actually.

But not him, oh, no.

 ‘No.’

‘I am not asking you.’

‘I won’t go back. I’m sorry this ended badly, Ninomiya-senpai, but what Matsumoto-senpai said was unacceptable.’

He slid back into his polite and cold demeanour. It was so easy, really, but sometimes he wished he could be as bitchy as possible.

Sometimes he even allowed himself to be an utter bastard.

‘Bullshit. Now, be a good boy and go back.’

‘I’d rather not.’

‘Jun is… Jun is feeling awful about it. I know he fucked up, but I promise you he will do anything in his power to make it up to you.’

‘This… is not going to work. We are too different.’

Ninomiya snorted loudly.

‘That’s the least of your problems, kid.’

‘Then we’re too much alike.’

‘That’s a bit closer to the truth. I’ll be honest with you: I don’t really want you near Jun. I know you are going to hurt him and trust me, Jun is way more fragile than what he looks like.’

He’s not the one hurting right now.

‘I’d rather stay away from him too.’

‘That’s a lie. I’m a human polygraph and I can tell.’

Somewhat, he believed that.

‘It’s better if I stay away. I have other priorities.’

‘So does Jun. Arashi is first. Job is second. Family is third. So it means that Arashi is first, second and third. You can hope for a fourth place, if you make an effort.’

He wasn’t convincing him, he was marking territory. What for?

‘I don’t want to be fourth.’

Damn, that sounded less whiny in his head.

‘Then struggle your way to the top.’

‘You’re making a bigger deal than it is. It was just a date.’

‘I know. But I just wanted to make things clear in case it turns into something else.’

Ninomiya wanted him to say that no, that it wouldn’t turn into something else, something serious. Something that could threaten the band.

‘I can’t promise anything.’

Damn. His mouth was just going off on its own.

‘You can and you will. Promise you will go back and promise you will take good care of the idiot.’

‘I said I can’t promise anything.’

‘We will wait fifteen minutes. I think you don’t want to know what will happen to you if you don’t show up.’

As he saw Ninomiya stroll his way back to the karaoke booth, Kame thought that, despite all the rainbows, Arashi members were some scary bastards.




None of them talked. They didn’t need to, really. After Aiba’s incident they had learnt their way around uncomfortable silences.

He thought he was overreacting and he knew that all the others agreed with him. But really, he felt guilty and he wanted to… He didn’t know. Something.

‘I like him. I mean, I really, really do.’

He spoke.

‘We know.’ Aiba said.

‘I don’t know why.’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

Aiba was way too upbeat. He wanted to be depressed and he just wouldn’t let him.

Evil Aiba.

‘I mean, it doesn’t make sense. All we do is argue and have sex.’

‘Those are your two favourite activities in the world.’ Snorted Nino, from Ohno’s lap.

‘Well, in some ways, the fighting is foreplay for the sex. Or the sex is foreplay for the…’

‘Shut up, I don’t want to know what turns you on.’

Deal with it, Sakurai.

‘Deal with it, Sakurai.’

Thankfully, there was always Nino.

‘Maybe that’s why he and Kazu fight so much.’ Said an eerily giggling Ohno.

This conversation was derailing.

‘Hey, we’re talking about my feelings here.’

‘The unstoppable desire you feel for me is part of your feelings too.’

‘This is not a Stroke Ninomiya’s Ego Session.’

‘We could stroke other things.’

Smug sexy bastard.

‘I think Sho-kun is about to throw up.’

Aiba sounded worried.

‘No, I’m seriously thinking about leaving the band.’

‘You love us too much for that.’ Said Nino, with a bright smile.

‘No, I’m just sick of how much you… love each other.’

‘But we love you too!’ screamed Aiba.



When Kame opened the door, he found his supposedly suffering date joining an Arashi pile-on on one of his unluckiest bandmates. He coughed.

‘Oh, it’s your date!’

‘We were, eh, just showing Sho-kun some member-ai.’

He still found Matsumoto attractive, specially when nervous and apologetic. Damn it.

‘Ah, OK.’

But damn if he was going to actually show it.

‘Matsujun! That’s rude! They don’t have member-ai in KAT-TUN! You shouldn’t show off.’

The worst part about Aiba-senpai was that he wasn’t even feeling offended.

‘Then I’ll come back later.’

‘Eh?’

Why did Jun… Matsumoto have to look so sad?

‘We’re leaving, we’re leaving.’ Said Arashi, in a chorus.

He entered the booth and waited for the four spares to leave. He didn’t speak one word.

He sat down and Matsumoto sat down beside him. They both stared at the wall, not wanting to look at each other.

‘Look, I’m very, very, very sorry. I just blurted it out without thinking.’

‘OK.’

‘OK?’

Matsujun sounded startled and he could feel his eyes on him.

‘OK.’

He felt his lips twist into a sideway grin. He couldn’t help it.

‘That’s great, then.’

He let his head rest against Jun’s shoulder. He was sure he wasn’t smiling smugly. Really sure.

‘I’m really tired, you know?’

‘Uh?’

He liked that. Hearing Jun being thrown out of balance. He could get used to it.

He felt Matsujun’s arm around his shoulders.

It felt almost right.
 
 
 
puffie_hanchanpuffie_hanchan on March 14th, 2009 02:07 am (UTC)
XD lol~ oh poor straight sho XDDDDDD and love this!
Sole Sakuma: Super Masho Masho Mansolesakuma on March 14th, 2009 07:17 pm (UTC)
Than you very much!
Sore Loserakillarian on March 14th, 2009 03:45 am (UTC)
Another funny chapter. I'm liking this settings.
Sole Sakuma: arashisolesakuma on March 14th, 2009 07:38 pm (UTC)
MWUHAHAHAHA! Converts! Amazing!

Tahnk you. :DDD
Sore Loserakillarian on March 16th, 2009 01:12 am (UTC)
I'm willingly and happily convert if you continue feeding me this type of Kame & Jun :D




and in saying that I mean MMOOOOORRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Sole Sakuma: nathansolesakuma on March 16th, 2009 01:35 am (UTC)
Don't worry, it was supposed to be one ficlet and well.
It kinda grew bigger and bigger and bigger. XP
LOL, SCONErolling_scone on March 14th, 2009 09:37 am (UTC)
‘I mean, it doesn’t make sense. All we do is argue and have sex.’

‘Those are your two favourite activities in the world.’


this is so sparkling golden awesome. *___________________________*
Sole Sakuma: Ohmiyasolesakuma on March 14th, 2009 07:38 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much!!!
ohnasyerohnasyer on March 14th, 2009 10:11 pm (UTC)
‘Matsujun! That’s rude! They don’t have member-ai in KAT-TUN! You shouldn’t show off.’
I laughed out loud at this one. :DDD

This is soooo awesome! Lurrrvvveee this!
Sole Sakuma: pride & prejudicesolesakuma on March 14th, 2009 10:20 pm (UTC)
It's funny because it's true. XP

Thank you very much!!!
ungalad: Igo Rabuungalad on March 15th, 2009 08:15 am (UTC)
Mujer, I think I love you! ♥ I saw this in the morning but couldn't finish it, and now, after a freaking long day of 18 hours straight after sleeping only 4, I got to read this as a prize for my hard work, lol. Or something. Please let me quote my favorite parts, if it annoys you just say so and I won't do it again. :D Also, must of my comments are lame and stupid (not the funny kind), sorry about that. ^^;;

‘You wasted my precious time. What were you doing? Combing your hair?’
AHAHAHAHA. I bet he was...

‘I’ll worry when I kiss a crossdresser.’

BITCHSLAP!

‘Yeah, I mean. Chocolate. You’re slimy and sweet enough already. Besides, cleaning it off the sheets is so annoying.’

Awwww.

He turned his eyes to the wall and away from the scary midget.

XD That's the best description of Nino I've ever read~!

‘Everybody is a little stupid when they’re in love, especially if they’re not that bright to begin with.’

Nino, you're a wise man. ♥

And he was already planning their one year anniversary dinner. That was suspicious.

AHAHAHAHAHA Jun's deranged! XDDDD

‘You know, if you insist on being so jealous, I will ruin both our careers by kissing you right in the middle of the street.’

Awwww. All I want for a sleep-deprived day is divalove~♥.

‘Amazing sex?’

‘Nah.’

That one had hurt.


AHAHAHAHAHA. You rock!!!

‘Now I get why Akanishi ran away.’

OOOOOOH. ANGST ANGST ANGST.

That was what Arashi was all about: trust.

Well, it was also about silly experiments. And booze.




He’s not the one hurting right now.

OH YES ANGST ANGST ANST! :D

After Aiba’s incident they had learnt their way around uncomfortable silences.

Uh, what's that about? I don't know Aiba's incident! D:

Aiba was way too upbeat. He wanted to be depressed and he just wouldn’t let him.

Evil Aiba.


AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

‘We could stroke other things.’

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, Nino~♥

He liked that. Hearing Jun being thrown out of balance. He could get used to it.

He felt Matsujun’s arm around his shoulders.

It felt almost right.


AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW. OTP TILL THE END OF TIME~!

Oh god, I wish I knew more about Arashi and KAT-TUN so I could write fics for this ship. Although they definitely wouldn't be as awesome as this! You rock! Thanks for sharing! ♥
Sole Sakuma: Ohmiyasolesakuma on March 15th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC)
Please let me quote my favorite parts, if it annoys you just say so and I won't do it again.
Al contrario, I love it when people do that. :D

Jun's deranged! XDDDD
It's part of his charm. XP

AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW. OTP TILL THE END OF TIME~!
FUCK YEAH.

But go ahead and write! I'd love you FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER.
bclar on April 26th, 2009 12:10 pm (UTC)
I read this series because it was remixed for jentfic_remix, and I must say

I LOVE YOUR HUMOUR.

It took me a moment to get used to all those sudden POV changes, but I'm totally into styles like this. Also, your Arashi. So full of love. I think your summary for this third part of the story is like the shortest but says-it-all Arashi pimp post there is. Since I'm only into Arashi I rarely get to see other fan's view on them, but I love it when they're all:
"Oh, it's that group. The one whose members die when they're
(a) not groping another member at least once every thirty minutes, but like to be on the safe side and just grope each other constantly, or
(b) not being groped at least once every thirty minutes (and they're totally enjoying it), yes, that does include the straight one, don't listen to him when he tries to deny it, or
(c) not have fivesomes on a regular basis, and when I say regular I mean something along the lines of weakly, but as I said, they like to be on the safe side.
What was their name again? Orgashi?"
Sole Sakuma: Matsujunsolesakuma on April 26th, 2009 10:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks for taking the time to comment here too. :D I read several comments in the remix about the original and while they warmed my heart (and reminded again that I AM THE ONLY MATSUKAME WRITER IN THE WORLD XD), it's really nice of you to do this!

XD POOR LITTLE STRAIGHT SHO. I just have so much fun torturing him. XDDDD
rim1789rim1789 on August 26th, 2010 06:53 pm (UTC)
I love Matsukame and I wish there were fic more T___T Thank you for this OS^^
Sole Sakumasolesakuma on August 31st, 2010 04:43 am (UTC)
Thank you for commenting!

You can check the Matsukame tag for more fic XD
hotaru_schifferhotaru_schiffer on November 26th, 2011 02:59 pm (UTC)
Sho-chan is only straight one...?
Poor him...
But he always be Arashi's mother ^^